Don't worry, you still have time

Why is it socially acceptable for married women to openly pity single women?

Most of the people I work with are women. At 22, I am the youngest of my group of "work friends". Tragically, I am the only single girl out of the 8 of us. Why is it assumed that I'm currently in a mad dash to marriage... and that I'm green with envy at the thought of their stable suburban lives? I can't begin to discuss my thoughts on marriage with them, at least not without severely damaging our friendship. So I keep my mouth shut. I grin and bear it when I call to invite them to dinner, and they assume I mean their husbands as well. I grin and bear it when they assure me that I'll find a man someday soon. I smile and nod when we talk about their babies, pregnancies, wedding scrapbooks, and in-laws. It will be ok they say, I still have time.

Is becoming a wife the greatest accomplishment I have to look forward to? Am I somehow incomplete if I never walk down the aisle to the oooohs and aaaaahs of my family and friends?


What is the deal with weddings anyway? The idea of wearing a white dress, walking down an aisle holding a bouquet of flowers, having my dad hand me over to someone, and promising my life to someone in front of other people seems creepy (at best). I got over my princess ambitions around the 2nd grade. The whole experience seems like a waste of money... not to mention a waste of good party. Should I invite my gay and lesbian friends to enjoy my evening of hetero bliss while they are denied equal rights? I call bullshit on that.



Maybe someday I will meet someone that I want to make that kind of commitment to. Maybe this country will get a clue and allow any consenting adult to marry another consenting adult(s). When that happens I'll invite you all to my "I want to pay less taxes" party. The booze is on me.

Perhaps I should take this opportunity to follow through on my resolution to be a more authentic person and just start keeping it real with my friends. I could tell them that my last serious relationship was with a woman. I could admit that I usually don't plan on including their spouses when I call to invite them places. I love that they have found love, and from the outside looking in, they seem genuinely happy. As much as I'd occasionally like to, I do not pity them. I simply want something different. The decision to marry or not marry, to have kids or not have kids, should not define women (or men). I'm going to make a conscious effort to stop judging their choices. We'll see if I get the same in return.